God has graciously placed me in a position where I can focus on my art if I choose. It may be better for me to go get a job and help pay the bills, but if I want, I can work on and off as a farmhand, and try to make money as an artist in the mean time, and my family will live in relative poverty, but not badly for all that.
And yet, if I got a job, if I went through Lamda School, things could be so much better for my family. A little bit of that distress of decision making is showing through in my apathy towards 3D, my trying to pick a project, and so forth.
As I wrestle with the decision of what is the best thing I can do for those under me, it is good to remember a man’s vocation is not abstract. I am not a father, a husband, a farmhand, and an artist. I am a father to my specific kid, a husband to my specific wife, a farmhand to my brother, and so on.
It’s like my theory of creativity.
My opinion of creativity is that God creates ex nihilo, but men make things out of other things. Thus, if you wish to be original, your best bet is to include soul. An element of personality, because souls are made by God.
This is accomplished by making your work a gift from you, to someone you care about. Make certain it’s something you want to make, and something your recipient wants to receive. In this way, the art is colored by the souls of two men, and thus the fingerprint of God, who creates ex nihilo.
Of all my works, the original Jump the Shark is most close to this philosophy. And perhaps I wander right now because I’ve lost sight of it. The Jump the Shark sequel has better pacing and better art, but it lacks the joy that went into the first one.
Anyway, the answer to whether I serve my family better as a poor artist or a working class schlub who does art as a hobby is found in this equation. The specificity of vocation. How am I, specifically, best suited to serve my specific wife, my specific child, my specific brother, my specific mother, and so on. The answer has not yet occurred to me, but the question itself eases the turmoil in my soul.