ADH-Let’s Ride Bikes!

It is the mark of the internet lefty that his Twitter Profile is a list of mental illnesses. For him, it is frankly a sign of virtue. Before Trans Rights was big, after all, how could a white man be virtuous under that religion except to be disabled? If a physical disability fails to present itself, a mental handicap must make do. And it’s so easy to be depressed. Adopt even half the unnatural premises of post-modernity and you’re most of the way there already.

So it is with some trepidation I discuss the fact that I am clearly ADHD. I am of several minds about this information.

I believe to some degree ADHD is not actually a disorder, but is rather a part of the normal range of human personalities that is ill-suited to the highly unnatural industrial era.

But neither do I make the mistake that lies at the foundation of, e.g., gay rights arguments, that nature is, by mere virtue of being nature, morally good. A man born blind is by nature blind. Blindness is not morally evil, but it is an evil nonetheless. A man born kleptomaniac is by nature inclined to steal. Theft is morally evil.

I think ADHD is natural. Moreover, I think it is not wholly a disorder. I even think much of it is good, and much neutral. You trade the ability to focus for the ability to hyperfocus. You trade the ability stick to a plan for unmatched improvisation. To use a gaming term, you are mentally min-maxed.

There are some genuine moral evils lurking in the wings. As a rule, I don’t make promises, because I know if I do, I will break them. A normal man does not have so much trouble keeping his word. And after spending the last 15 years of my life barely hanging on to a retail job, I’ve spent the last 6 months living on the dole. Neither of these fulfil my responsibilities to protect and provide for my family.

But to a certain degree, how much this is good or bad is irrelevant. Right now I self-medicate with caffeine. If I got enough paperwork cleared to go to a psychiatrist, I could medicate with amphetamines. But I am of the opinion that the American Empire is falling, and her fall will be irrefutable within a decade or two. What then? Maybe life will go on almost exactly the same for me. When Empires fall, there are often provinces that barely notice. But maybe I will have to stalk my food myself, and kill it by hand in a swamp without electricity, internet, or shipping. In which case, not only amphetamines, but also caffeine would be denied me.

So, however much ADHD is a superpower, a collection of attribute min-maxes with benefits and downsides, or my unique expression of the stain of sin left by Adam’s fall, I believe I must find a way to survive and thrive despite it and around it, without regard to any chemical correctives.

For the last few years, my attitude has largely been, “well, I’ve tried and I’ve tried for decades, and never fixed anything. ‘Bout time I just accepted that this is how things will be until I die or Christ returns.”

But my offspring are now showing signs of the same issues.

I’m willing to settle for less for me.

Not so much for them.

Captain’s Log 0210326.071

Proof is in.

Blanket Octopus : pics

Oops. That’s not my proof. That’s a blanket octopus. The females fly through the sea with superhero capes. The males went undiscovered until very recently because they max out at an inch long.

Ahem.

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Work on getting my paperwork squared away for the Kickstarter proceeds slowly. My first read through of the book as already identified multiple grievous errors.

And I feel this close to figuring out my ‘golden path’.

wait, what?

Captain’s Log, 0210208.060

Well, the week of my nativity is over.

Time to actually get serious.

This last week I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and nothing else (except what was required to keep my family and their animals alive, of course). And what I wanted turned out to be the basis of a platforming sequel to my hit game Candy Raid: the factory.

This gif has a lot of little things worth talking about, but let’s get back to it.

I need to either search for a day job, or else gear up to pay my bills with my projects quickly. Option 2 means running a successful crowdfund ASAP. The only project I have that is close to ready for that is Awesome Moments, my Bible Story book.

Because of my social media fast, the earliest I can run the Kickstarter in question effectively is March. If I choose to work my butt off on Hat Trick, or my bestiary, or on this little Candy Raid platformer, I can hypothetically have either of these projects Kickstarter ready by then. But I have to be 100% committed to the project. And my history of underestimating time to completion on projects leads me to believe I’d need at least two months to get either of those ready. And even a successful Kickstarter wouldn’t disburse funds until April.

Which means I need to hunt for a day job.

Sucks to be me, but I’ve been employed at dead-end day jobs for 15 years, and I’ve done the starving artist thing for 6 months. Being jobless definitely helps my projects, but not by giving me more time, but rather by giving me consistent time. If I can get something with regular hours, I should be able to keep my productivity close to the same.

If not, such is life. So let’s talk about how we are going to change our approaches to Vargenstone and Everything Else as a result.

Continue reading “Captain’s Log, 0210208.060”

Captain’s Log, 0210201.073: Keep Moving Forward

Here are pictures of the Night Mare, in roughly the order I made them:

No relation to today’s post whatsoever. I just lined these up because I wanted to, and I find WordPress’s gallery convenient for the task.

This is my yearly custom of pausing and considering my life’s path and whether I want to continue on current lines, or what course adjustments I should make. As such, there will be an over abundance of navel gazing.

Continue reading “Captain’s Log, 0210201.073: Keep Moving Forward”

Merry Christmas to you all

I’m up and the progeny is up. But the rest of the house would like to sleep, thank you very much. So I’m going to ramble a bit about what I’m up to while the offspring plays quietly with some stocking stuffers.

Hah! Just kidding. The kid ditched the stocking stuffer almost immediately for crayons and paper, because the kid is my kid.

Previously, in this space, I mentioned “rebuilding Final Fantasy using Piqha.” I did a ton of Piqha sketches to try and provide myself with six decent designs to use for the classic FF classes, and decided on these ones:

Fighter, Monk, Theif, White Mage, Black Mage, Red Mage. Since the white mage is supposed to be D&D cleric with the trademark information scrubbed off and any references to religion artfully removed, I cranked it all the way back: my healing class is not only a cleric, but a Christian. Similarly, while the Final Fantasy red mage went on to become its own thing, it’s fairly clear that in the first game it was a reference to the D&D ranger, so I went with one of two wilderness scout looking guys.

And hey, let’s make the wizard actually look like someone messing with dark forces, then.

Anyhow, my thought process is: if I take Final Fantasy, fix the plot holes, replace the characters with similar characters from my tool bag, and alter the plot to fit the characters, at the end of the day I’ll have something similar enough to Final Fantasy to fall into the healthy reference zone, and different enough to be its own creature.

For instance, Final Fantasy I centers on a time loop. The first guy you beat is also the final boss. Except he went back in time, and you have to go back in time to fight him. Except that has pretty much no effect on the rest of the game. It’s just sort of there.

Okay. Why not make the time travel thing present throughout? Piqha are a race of genetically engineered starship components. When they live in a fantasy setting, it’s because a ship crashed, and the little gremlins in the walls of the ship built civilization on the shipwreck. What if four piqha, Our Heroes, are on a ship that is crashing because of some kind of time vortex, they get launched into the distant future, and getting back to their own time is their whole objective?

Anyway, this year I drew pictures for Christmas for my family members, as is my custom, and because I have piqha on the brain, they’re all piqha.

They aren’t exactly concept art, but they aren’t exactly not concept art either (each piqha picture was designed with the recipient rather than the needs of my stories in mind). For example, I haven’t even decided whether mer-piqha are a thing. There’s no reason why they can’t be, but there’s no reason why they must be either. But one of my family members likes mermaids, and I have piqha on the brain, so mer-piqha it is.

But I have a celebration tomorrow with a white elephant gift exchange, so I thought, why not straight up make concept art, frame it, and hand it out? So here’s our four Heroes of Light in their spaceship:

Since I have four, I decided to name them Tsi, Em, Wye, and Kay, respectively, after the colors of printer ink.

“But what about the character classes?”

Ideally, I’d make a custom version of each class for each character. In practice, I’m going to start with reusing the same graphics for each class, but doing a recolor for the character, and if I have time in the polish phase I’ll get more fancy than that.

Of course, this raises other problems. If Em is a girl, she can’t very well be a Christian Cleric. If I want to say, “well, suppose she’s a nun, and while that’s a very different set of powers in real life, there can be overlap in game mechanics,” then what is her equivalent to a warrior monk?

I could just say, “they’re all boys; deal with it.” It would be a pretty good selling point. It might make social justice types mad enough to advertise my game. Bands of Brothers are under attack by the forces of evil, and pushing back is a noble cause.

But on the flip side, I want the four elemental fiends to be analogues for the heroes, to be “this is you in a hundred years if you turn evil”, and in Final Fantasy at least, one of the elemental fiends is definitely female.

So here is a puzzle. I do not suffer a woman to be a Christian priest, even in science fantasy, but I want one of the character’s direct analogues to be female and I want all four characters to be allowed all six classes.

I don’t have a solution yet. My best solution is probably to make Em male, and make the Kary/Marilth analogue male as well, but it’s going to be months, possibly more than a year, before I actually have to make my call. So I’m not going to stress over it. If a better solution exists, it will present itself in that time.

In the mean while, I’m going to continue developing the concept art along the current lines. After all, it’s not final art. It’s just a white elephant gift for a small party.

To Everything, turn, turn, turn…

The contentions of this video are twofold:

  1. Choosing a theme is superior to making a resolution. This is because when presented with a fork in the road, it is easier to choose the branch in keeping with your theme than it is to force yourself to take the branch you resolved to take, whether it is there or not.
  2. Consider instead of choosing a theme for a year (or a resolution for a year) choosing a theme for a season. E.g. instead of “I will do 30 pushups a day”, prefer, “this will be the Winter of pushups!” or better yet “the winter of Health!”

I take a definite interest in self-improvement as I fall short on a number of fronts. Fortunate man I, Christ has suffered and died for my many evils. But I still want to better myself for a number of reasons. First of them is: it is good to be good. But more importantly, the better a man I am, the better it is for those I claim to love.

My habit has been making monthly goals, not yearly resolutions nor seasonal themes. And the system has been fruitful, but not as fruitful as I think is possible. I don’t know whether “seasonal themes” is the answer. Right now, I have taken ill and am preparing for sleep, and lack the mental firepower to usefully analyze it. But I have a notion it is more in tune with my natural rhythms, simply because my one-month projects always manage to expand to 3 months. And I wanted to note it down so I can look into it tomorrow, or whenever I am awake and my mind is clear.